I live in a country where prostitution is legal, but because of COVID-19, brothels are closed. Normally I see a prostitute about once every month. I remember about two years ago I saw the same girl for about three years, and I enjoy seeing her and having sex with her. It was nice seeing the same girl all the time rather than seeing a different girl whenever I entered the brothel.
I remember one time when I joked around with her about going on a date, but she seemed somewhat open to the idea. She even gave me her phone number. I messaged her once and asked her if she wanted to have dinner with me, and she agreed. We went to a restaurant an ate. There was a language barrier. She was Korean and I could not speak her language. Her English was not great, but I could somewhat understand her.
After the date, I continued to go to the brothel and have sex with her, but whenever I asked her for dinner or movies, she didn't seem keen. I could also sense she was torn because she wanted to reject me but I was also a paying client.
After a while, she retired from prostitution. When I messaged her, she told me she had a boyfriend, so that was that.
I did something interesting on Friday. I didn’t bring lunch in, but rather than go out at lunch to get food, I decided to just not buy anything and instead drink powdered tea. My mother has been to an Asian supermarket and has purchased powdered tea that comes in satchels. The powdered tea comes from Korea (from a business named Damtuh) and is made of ingredients like black beans, soybeans, and rice. Rather than going hungry, I found that I was able to keep myself quite full and get through the day. In the afternoon I also had two bananas and an almond latte. I left work right at five and went to the gym. I am thinking of measuring what I do in the gym so that I can track my progress. I am hoping this will motivate me more.
When I got home on Friday I had a big dinner of cauliflower, mashed potatoes, oranges, avocado, carrots, and potato. After this I drank two cups of green smoothie (a blend of green leafy vegetables, Earth Protein, and a banana). Then I had high-protein hot chocolate, which is pretty much just a chocolate flavoured protein shake mixed with soymilk and boiling water. I prefer warm beverages to cold beverages, so I like to drink my protein hot (in a mug rather than in a shaker bottle).
Given it was Friday night, I finished watching a movie on Netflix called Unfaithful. I enjoyed watching this movie considerably, and it was close to home for me because of the adultery and divorce between my parents. What I thought was interesting was that the couple in this movie tried very hard to shield their child from the adultery, to protect the child, but my parents didn’t do that. They pretty much tried to get me to choose sides, and then I was asked to bail them out because they were in debt. I followed them because I used to look up to my parents and respected them, but in hindsight I realize I was exploited and used. Basically what happened was my father took money out from the family home using a home equity line of credit, and he used this money to fund his womanizing and to start a family with a new woman, and then when everything was discovered, my brother and I were the ones who paid off the loan. All this shattered any faith or trust I had not only in my family but also in anyone. I simply don’t trust anyone, and I have now walled myself off from everyone. I don’t want or need friends or family. I will never get married, never have children, and I will do everything in my power to eliminate dependency, debt, commitment, obligation, and duty. The objective of my life is to continually increase my freedom by increasing dividend income, and I will use this dividend income to shield myself from the world and do what I want to do rather than conform to society, which wants me to be a slave so that, understandably, I can make money for businesses so they can pay dividends to their shareholders.
There are many things in my life that have traumatized me, and it’s easy to just dismiss my problems as first world problems, but these problems are still real to me, and any problem can be rationalized away by comparing it to an even worse problem. A problem is still a problem, even if it’s less of a problem than some other problem.
It's also easy to dismiss my problems by saying that I should just man up and take responsibility for myself rather than blame my parents, and I have done that. I don't blame my parents. I don't blame anyone for the atrocities they commit. I simply react and protect myself. I am taking action to wall myself off from society and become an urban hermit who is funded and protected by dividend income.
When I think about it, I like my life. I have Netflix now, and I am starting to watch movies now rather than just watch YouTube, and I have noticed how much movies socialize you into a conventional way of life. For example, while watching Unfaithful, I was attracted to marriage because it looked like the marriage that the couple in the movie had was very nice. However, this would not have been apparent had I watched YouTube because YouTube is brilliant at sniffing out what you’re interested in and suggesting you watch it, and I am simply not interested in relationships.
My plan is to either share accommodation with others and then block them out of my life as much as possible or to live alone. If I feel lonely, I can easily get some friends on Meetup or even Tinder, but if I meet a girl on Tinder I just want to be friends with her. I have tried using Tinder while travelling solo overseas and it works fine, and it even works where I live now as well, although lately I have just gotten tired of socializing, so I uninstalled the Tinder app and then installed Netflix instead. I’d rather spend a Friday night watching a good film than going out. The pleasure from watching a good film is so much better than going out. Going out is quite boring. Most girls out there are boring, and I think it’s because they are spoilt because there are so many men out there willing to entertain women just so they can have sex with them, and so women expect men to bring to the table a certain level of entertainment and for their efforts women will reward the man with sexual favours. But I don’t care about sex with a woman because, if I wanted sex, I can just go to a registered brothel, and there are plenty of registered brothels here in Victoria Australia. Going out with women is also expensive, and there is an expectation by the lady that the man pays for everything just to signal to her that he is rich, which is important for women because they want to marry rich men and take their money. Not all women are like this, but enough are.
On Monday, after work, I felt tired and lonely again, so I succumbed to temptation and visited a brothel. Three girls were presented to me, and I selected a young girl from Korea named Sarah. She was very pretty, and I fell in love with her when I saw her. She told me she was visiting for one year on a working holiday visa. She asked me if I had a girlfriend or wife, and I told her I didn’t. She asked me why I was single, so I told her I was still looking for the right girl. I then asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she actually said yes.
Anyway, because I felt like we both loved each other, the sex seemed more special and enjoyable. It was like she was my girlfriend. After it was over, we exchanged numbers, and I told her I would message her.
Two days later, I messaged her while I was at work, but she didn’t seem too keen. I asked her if she wanted to see me over the weekend, but she told me she was busy working. I asked about any other days, but she effectively said she was too busy working, so I told her I’d message her later. This kind of bummed me because I figure if she really wanted to see me she would make time for me.
Giving all these excuses suggests she doesn’t really care about me, which I suppose makes sense now that I think about it. She was probably pretending to like me when she was with me because that was part of the service. If this is indeed the case, I don’t have anything against her.
When I speak to people about the topic of intimate relationships with prostitutes, they always say it’s a bad idea because the prostitute only pretends to like you. She doesn’t genuinely care about you. But is this really a bad thing? If I go to a bakery and buy bread, is it a problem that the baker doesn’t love me? No, I just care about the bread.
Some people may say that they want others to love them, which is fine, but I don’t really think it matters that much what others think of you. Many people say that they don't care what others think, and they say this with pride. However, even though many people say they don't care about what others believe, in the context of marriage they typically say they want their wives or girlfriends to love them, and they care greatly about what members of the opposite sex think.
