A few years ago, I made the decision to stop watching TV because it was filled with crap. There was nothing on TV other than silly renovation shows and other filthy reality TV shows like Big Brother or X Factor. So I decided to simply watch YouTube instead. I purchased a Chromecast and started streaming YouTube to my TV.
YouTube was addictive. One of the benefits of YouTube is that it learns what you like based on what you have previously watched, and it recommends videos to you based on your interests. I started to become very interested in certain topics, such as investing, veganism, digital nomadism, minimalism, and antinatalism. However, being exposed to and becoming obsessive with all of these non-mainstream ideas has somewhat alienated me from the mainstream. This is something I have realized today.
I have become so angry with the world and with other people. I cannot stop seething with anger over just about everything. When I go out to lunch with my dad and he eats meat, I cannot stop seeing in my mind graphic slaughter of animals. I see pigs having their throats slit and cows being shot in the head, and they fall to the ground flailing. When I am with a group of women who talk about weddings and relationships, I seethe with anger because of how superficial these women are when they are obsessive about what colour of clothing they should wear or how to arrange flowers at a wedding. When I see someone at work feeling superior and putting down his subordinates or when I see someone putting down others because he has some status symbol, e.g. trophy wife, luxury car, or large mansion, I can only think about debt or wage slavery, and I know that status anxiety is the primary fuel of the wage slavery system. I see the dark side of everything and it makes me really angry and also really depressed. I cannot stop thinking about everything that is wrong with everything. There is absolutely no positive thinking with me. I can only think negatively, but that is because I am convinced that I am viewing the world objectively. I am convinced that, in reality, we live in a negative world, and positive thinkers are deluded.
It’s not just YouTube. I admit it’s also other circumstances in my life that affect me such as my parents’ divorce as well as tensions with friends and colleagues at work. I have also experienced painful breakups with girls.
There’s not much I can do. One option is to conform to society. I can try to be normal. I can assimilate. But once you know something, you cannot fool yourself. Ignorance is bliss, but once you know the truth, you cannot forget it. If you drank a yellow liquid thinking it was a delicious soft drink, then all of a sudden you realize it is some guy’s urine, you cannot simply erase that knowledge from your mind and go back to pretending that you are drinking a delicious soft drink. The same applies with all the filth in society. Once you’ve seen the truth, you cannot unsee it.
There is no option then but escape. I need to retire and get out of the country where I can be alone and start a new life. I need to save up enough money to do this. While I am doing this, I need to be an urban hermit. I just go to work, come back home, watch YouTube and Netflix, and then go back to work again. It’s tough working and pretending to be normal when you’re not. It’s hard faking it, but it has to be done. I need to become a millionaire before I drop out of society and go ghost. I just hope I can do it before I turn 40. My goal is to be a millionaire in my thirties. Once I am a millionaire, I will quit and retire. I will start a new life. I am thinking I will buy websites off Empire Flippers and spend the rest of my life managing websites for a living. Even if I fail, it doesn’t matter because I am a millionaire who lives off dividends. I will try something else. Managing websites for a living will allow me to live anywhere, but I am sure there are other things I can do to make money online, and even if it doesn't worki, it doesn't matter because I live off dividends. I can travel to, say, Kuala Lumpur, rent a one-bedroom apartment there, and then spend all my time in co-working spaces there managing my websites, and if I feel lonely I can use the internet to meetup with fellow vegans there. I will be free to be with whomever I want. It will be beautiful. Even if things don’t work out, I can just leave and go to another country, such as Bangkok, and even if things don’t work out, I can just fly back home. The bottom line is I have freedom to do what I want.