03 July 2016

Be True to Yourself

I have just came back from brunch at Monk Bodhi Dharma in Balaclava. I was there with some vegan friends.

It was really nice to be around vegans because I really click well with these people. Whenever I am with my family, they are so negative. All they do is complain about this or that. They usually gossip about what other people are doing or they complain about corrupt politicians. They don’t actually do anything. Most vegans are actually doing something. By not buying animal products and instead buying vegan products, they are reducing demand for animal exploitation.

I have so many people in my life who I just don’t like being with. On Friday after work I met up with a bunch of people I used to work with. Most of these people were working in other areas now. I hadn’t seen them in years. They were all grown up now and they were either getting married or were in the process of getting married. They were also planning children. Many also purchased houses and some were buying investment property. I felt left out and odd because I was single, I had no intention of ever marry or ever having children, and I prefer to invest in stocks or ETFs rather than property. I really felt like I wasn’t among my people. 

Many people have tried to change me. Some of my friends have tried to set me up with girls (my father did this as well) but I found that being in a relationship with a girl did not enhance my life whatsoever. I found it tiresome to be responsible for entertaining a girl. Whenever she was not happy, it was my fault. I prefer to just be single. 

I have always felt weird about being single because it’s not socially accepted. Society expects certain things from you, e.g. get a girlfriend, get married, have children, buy a house for yourself, and then buy an investment property. When I’m with my old work colleagues, it’s all about conformity to these ideals: who has a wife, who has an investment property, who is getting married, and so forth. I remember a few night ago when I told a friend that I like to spend my free time watching YouTube, and he told me that I should “find a girlfriend” as if that is for some reason the highest purpose of any man’s life. 

Lately I have been trying to just be honest with what I care about. Be firm with my beliefs. In the past I would just stay quiet and allow people to lead me. They would try to find girls for me or try to get me married. Now there is no compromise. I do what I want to do and I don't accept other people trying to direct my life. In fact, when I was with my old work colleagues, they asked me how my dating life was, and I told them flat out that I did not want to date ever and that my family has given up on trying to get me date because I am stubborn and will never bend to anyone else's values. I would rather die. I also told my friends that I will never get married and I will never have children because I have been turned off my annoying children. Surprisingly, they seemed to respect my choice. I think that makes all the difference. People will respect you if you have a view of how you should live. If you’re wishy washy, they will try to push their views on you because you seem lost and in need of direction. I need to be firm with my values and my beliefs. If I am a vegan, I should stick with it and never waver. If I want to be a man who goes his own way and never gets into a relationship with women or never marries them, I need to give my reasons for it and loudly advocate it. The same applies for my investment beliefs. If I truly believe it is better to buy stocks, I should give firm reasons why. Even if you believe property is a good investment, you can easily buy property funds on the stock exchange. 

I think I have been inspired especially by Durianrider in a video called Why I Don’t Care Anymore where he discusses the importance of being true to yourself. If you are bold and forceful for what you believe in, people will hate you for it, but these people are people you don’t want to be around anyway, so your honest behaviour is a filter that removes people you shouldn’t be around, and people you should be around will be drawn and attracted to you, and you will spend more time with them.

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