The Fate of the Misanthropist

I am so lonely. I'm lying in bed by myself listening to music and reading. My mind wanders to negative thoughts. I feel trapped, spending my days going to work where I am ruthlessly exploited by my bosses. Those with more power than you will always abuse you. It is human nature.

I've been thinking a lot about a rape scene I saw in a movie recently. I've been thinking about the social problem of rape but I couldn't devise a solution in my head of how the problem could be eradicated. Rape occurs because those who have power over another eventually choose to abuse that power for exploitative purposes. We see that everywhere, not just with rape but also with work.

It is not just work that bothers me. I turn thirty this year. I still live with my parents. I feel like I am forced to put my life on hold because my parents have become my dependents. I am not a stereotypical adult who lives with his parents. I am happy to leave, but my mother begged me to stay. My parents lean on me. They drag me down. I never flew too high, but when my parents weighed me down during my early attempts to soar, I crashed to the ground and haven't been able to recover since. I'm stuck in an endless cycle of wage slavery, bound to my parents due to massive debts. They tell me to find a girlfriend and to get married, but why would a woman want to be with a grown man who lives with his mother, who is broke and is drowning in debt, who toils all day at a job where he is bullied and tortured, and has all his free time taken up by study?

I go to work and go through the motions. I have no passion whatsoever. I hate my bosses. I hate them. They think they can dangle a promotion in front of my face and withhold it permanently so they can extract as much labour from me as possible, all while taunting and abusing me. I will not comply. My career is dead. It is finished. I have no hope left. My youthful enthusiasm died long ago. Most wage slaves persist because their children and their housewife depend on them and their careers. My career is over. I have nothing to look forward to but morbid exploitation. 

I am so disappointed with humanity. I have lost faith with everyone, not just my employer but also my family and even my friends. I've been thinking. I cannot be with others. I cannot be social. I need to slowly transition away from people and head to the mountains where I can live by myself as a hermit. If this is not possible, the pain will be unbearable and I know in my heart that I cannot go on.