29 November 2013

My lying family

URL: Louise's father was a cheating scoundrel who had two other families. So why does she blame it all on her mother?

I've read the article above and it reminds me of my father who is now on his third wife. My father was away all the time when I was little, and it wasn't until I was older that I found out what was happening. 

Most people were surprised that I didn't seem to care about the lies, deception, cheating, adultery, and so forth. I didn't get angry or lash out at anyone, but deep down I am extremely angry. I will never forgive and I haven't forgotten about it many years on.

I can hate my father all I want for what he has done but the reality is that what is done is what is done, and all I can do now is just disrespect him and never follow any of his commands. Rather than be a loyal son, I just do what I want and expect him to follow me, not the other way around. I will never help or support him or take care of him when he is old. In fact, everything is already set. His new wife will need to take care of him as he gets older, as will his new children (my half-siblings). I don't really need to think about my father. He has a lot on his plate with his new children. They are a handful.

My mother is alone now, and I have become her de-facto husband, which I resent because I feel like it is my right to be my own person. My mother is my mother, not my wife. My mother is my dad's second wife. I don't know if my father cheated on his first wife with my mother and I have no idea whether my mother knew that my father was cheating on her with his third wife. In a way I feel it is her fault for not being suspicious enough of her husband or lover, and I don't feel like it's fair for me to suffer as a result of her lack of due diligence.

I have changed my attitude now. If people around me are liars who try to control me, there is no humour in my conversations. I don't smile. I am serious, and I tell them that they are to follow my commands or else I will hurt them, and if they try to push me or control me, I will push them, and I will hurt them if they push me too hard, and I am prepared to die to defend my boundaries.

23 November 2013

Pandora vs iTunes Radio

Pandora is great. It provides free music. You select what type of music you like and Pandora will automatically play that type of music. If you're in the mood for relaxing music to study to, you can set Pandora to play ambient music. If you're in the mood for catchy tunes, you can set Pandora to play the latest popular music. The versatility, simplicity, and low cost of Pandora is what makes it appealing.

Recently, however, there has been talk that iTunes Radio, which is similar to Pandora, will pose a threat of Pandora's business. However, it turns out that iTunes Radio has not had much impact at all on Pandora.

Why is this? It's difficult to know what is happening at a macro level, but in terms of why I haven't switched to iTunes Radio, the main reason is that I would need to buy an Apple device, i.e. an iPhone, iPad, Apple TV, etc. If iTunes Radio were available not only on Apple devices but also on Android and on web browsers (like Pandora is) I think it would be much more popular.

When I told this to a friend, she asked me why I didn't buy an iPhone, given that the amount I paid for the Sony Xperia Z was about the same price as an iPhone 5. The answer is that if I got the iPhone 5 instead I would have to compromise. I wouldn't get expandable storage, I would get a smaller battery, lower resolution screen, a slower processor, less RAM, and a phone that is not waterproof.

12 November 2013

Losing respect for my parents

I used to respect my parents and did everything they told me to do.

Then I learned about the womanizing, the deception, and the financial mismanagement, and I wanted to distance myself from my parents.

I now do what I want to do and expect my parents to follow me, not the other way around. I am the leader of the family, not the follower.

I fear that the closer I get to my parents the more I will be contaminated by their impurities.

Women with big bags

I travel light. I just bring around a wallet, my keys, my phone, a handkerchief, and a small umbrella when needed. But many women, I notice lug around massive bags. Some say it is for makeup, but can't makeup be applied at home?